Saturday, October 13, 2007

Conversations with a Three-Year-Old

Conversation One:

Clearly I Have Not Been Teaching Him Enough About Limiting Impulse Purchases

CHILD: [Pointing to a recently borrowed library book with a picture of a girl riding a horse on the cover] Does that girl like riding that horse?

MOTHER: Yes, I think that girl does like riding horses.

CHILD: And is the horse nice, and friendly?

MOTHER: The horse does look nice and friendly, doesn't it? I don't think he would let that girl ride him if he weren't nice and friendly.

CHILD: And is the horse happy?

MOTHER: He looks happy to me. What do you think?

CHILD: I would like to buy a horse at the store. Let's buy one tomorrow.

MOTHER: [Laughing a little] You would like to buy a horse at the store tomorrow?

CHILD: [Slightly subdued by mother's laughter] Well, just a plain one.

MOTHER: [More serious now] Well, you see, there is nothing wrong with wanting a horse, plain or otherwise, but horses need a lot of things that we don't have right now. Horses need a big, big grassy yard to run around in. And they need a barn to sleep in--

CHILD: I know! We could get a barn at the store, too. We can check the grocery store.

MOTHER: I don't think they sell barns at the grocery store.

CHILD: They might have barns at Home Depot.

MOTHER: Even if we could buy a barn, where could we put one?

CHILD: I don't know.

MOTHER: There's not enough space in the back yard for a barn, is there?


MOTHER: We could try to visit a horse someday soon, if you'd like. We could visit a horse on a farm. Would you like to do that?

CHILD: Yes. What do horses eat?

MOTHER: Well, horses need to eat grass, and hay, and oats, and things like that. And when people want to give a horse a special treat, sometimes they will give the horse a carrot, or an apple.

CHILD: When I have a horse, I will give him carrots.

MOTHER: That would be nice of you. Maybe you can have a horse someday, but right now, we just don't have room for a barn.

CHILD: Well, we can wait to buy a horse.


CHILD: We can wait until Wednesday.


Conversation Two:

Even Though I Am Failing at Teaching Him Basic Economics, He Is Apparently Somehow Learning Environmental Science Behind My Back

CHILD: Mommy, pretend you are a baby and I am your Mommy.

MOTHER: Okay. Waaaaaah! Mommy! I'm hungry! I'm bored! I want a toy! I want you to sit next to me!

CHILD: Actually, pretend you are five.

MOTHER: Okay. Wait, Mommy, if I am five years old, does that mean I can go to school?

CHILD: Yes! And you will have fun at school!

MOTHER: But will I have homework?

CHILD: Yes! You will have homework, and it will be fun, and I will help you.

MOTHER: So, Mommy, what is my homework today?

CHILD: Your homework is to fix everything.

MOTHER: My homework is to fix everything?


MOTHER: Everything? That is a lot of responsibility for a five-year-old.

CHILD: Don't worry. You can do it.

MOTHER: So I have to fix everything, everything? Like, everything? Like, for instance, global warming?

CHILD: Global warming?

MOTHER: Yes, global warming.

CHILD: You can fix global warming.

MOTHER: And how do I do that? Can you help me?

CHILD: [Patiently] First you fix all the things with leaves. Then, you fix the cars.

MOTHER: [Silence.]

MOTHER: [Silence.]

MOTHER: Well, gee, that is the way to fix global warming, isn't it?

CHILD: See? You can do it.


I know I have been neglecting you, internets. I have no good excuses. So instead of making excuses, I will attempt to placate you by exploiting the cuteness of my child.

See, now? There? Don't you like me better, now?


Awesome Mom said...

The picture did make me a lot less grumpy about you not writing as much. If you ever are able yo buy a plain horse pretty cheap let me know. I am still wanting a nice horse and I am all grown up (stupid bills and rent getting between me and my horse).

Anonymous said...

Heh. That first conversation reminds me of the ones I used to have with my mom about each month when I was 5 through 13 years old (then I finally gave up.)

And no, I never did get myself that horse.

Anonymous said...

The internets and all her tubes are glad to finally have you back ...

I cannot believe the level of speaking and understanding that Isaac displays ... and the picture ... maybe he becomes the next Al Gore and saves the leaves and the cars ... Very cute

Raquita said...

okay that was my early morning giggle and it was great!!! you aree forgiven,

Issac rocks!!!

Bea said...

How I love that boy of yours.

Nap Queen said...

I LOVE this post. You have one smart, funny kid :)

R said...

Oh, Jaelithe, you always make me so happy when you *finally* post something. I love it.

R said...

PS. Do you still use thestateofdiscontent at gmail dot com? I'd sent you an invite to my now private blog-- let me know! rmercurio8 at aol dot com

Kristi B said...

Oh my stars he is cute! I love these childhood converations. They are the best ever!

Anonymous said...

Oooh, I've missed that face! And I've missed you.

Just keep telling him it's not Wednesday yet (even though it totally is). Although your genius toddler may have figured out time by now, and is already processing ways to change the space-time continuum to his own advantage.

Lisa said...

Have missed ya. Figured you and Issac were collaborating on the next great American classic. (Heck, you probably ARE!)

Issac is adoreable. Thanks for the "fix". :-)

Major Bedhead said...

That last conversation made me giggle. And he is a very cute kid.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I could like you any better. You really are an awesome mom. And person.

I totally agree with your comment on my recent post. Thanks for your input.

Anonymous said...

Awww, so cute! See, you think you're teaching them....

Farrell said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the conversations!

Anonymous said...

"We can wait until Wednesday".

I'm still giggling like mad over that one.

the new girl said...

Those conversations?
Awesomely awesome.

And that little cute cutie?
He's cute wrapped up in cuteness.

for real.

Debbie said...

icing. it's just icing on the Jaelithe cake of divinity.

but it's mighty fine icing. *real* easy on the eyes.

Creative-Type Dad said...

OK, that horse one had me rolling.

I hope you bought the horse.