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Saturday, September 23, 2006

Cruel, Careless Mother Destroys Precious Avant-Garde Artwork by Child Prodigy

A Missouri housewife by the name of Ms. Jaelithe J was denounced by the international toddler arts community today for prematurely destroying a masterpiece temporary art installation completed just minutes earlier by renowned child prodigy abstract artist Isaac J, who is Ms. J's son. Child artists and art lovers everywhere will be shocked to learn that Ms. J apparently ruined the piece in full view of the artist, despite the artist's desperate pleas that his work be left intact.

Entitled "Ice Cream Railroad," the work, created with melted vanilla ice cream on a glass table top, depicted an abstract interpretation of the artist's grandmother and grandfather eating ice cream while riding on a train, according to Isaac, who was quite distraught at the sudden destruction of his most daring work yet.

"My picture, my picture, my picture! Mommy cleaned up my good picture! My picture is all gone," the boy genius is reported to have lamented, sobbing for nearly thirty minutes straight after the drawing was ruined.

The child artist's mother, apparently oblivious to the inestimable aesthetic value of the ground-breaking installation, seemed puzzled at the outraged response to her removal of the work. "Well, I told him it was a very pretty picture, but that Mommy needed to clean it up now, because melted ice cream just doesn't belong on the dinner table. I tried to explain to him that ice cream makes things sticky, and I told him if I left it there for too long it might attract bugs. Besides, how on earth were we supposed to eat breakfast the next morning off of a table that was half-covered in ice cream? Of course I felt kind of bad, but I told the boy that if he wanted a picture he could keep, well, he could always just use fingerpaints or crayons and paper."

Despite this sad incident, Isaac maintains he will not be daunted in his quest to create thought-provoking yet accessible art installations for his adoring fans. In fact, he is already working on a new project involving shredded cheese and carpet.

"Some people, especially from the previous generation, just don't understand the true spirit of post-modern art," a source close to the artist said. "But Isaac won't ever let that stop him from trying to enlighten them."



Update: Nominated for a September Perfect Post Award by Bub and Pie! Thanks!

A Perfect Post

15 comments:

Peter said...

ah .. and my lousy son sticks with boring things like crayons and walls ...

hillarious !!!!

Mommy off the Record said...

LOL. A true arteest! My favorite art is the art you can eat. Go Isaac!

bubandpie said...

You are a genius. I love the skewering of both the newspaper-report style AND the modern art world.

Andrea said...

Terribly funny! However, I doubt his muse will be silent for long. I only hope his future art endeavors will be as easily cleaned from inappropriate surfaces.

jen said...

hilarious. maybe there is a bookstore or cafe that can be used as the prison sentance for the aforementioned crime.

Lisa said...

That was a wonderful post! Your little man's clearly got the vision of an artist. heehee.

Kristin said...

I don't know how many mangled pieces of paper I've got stored up around the house because my young Mr. Scissorhands claims he's doing crafts. Cute story!

the mad momma said...

you just wait till he grows up and reads this post and gives you something for your troubles... how dare you nip the young artist in the bud!!!??? :o)

honestly though... he sounds like a very bright child... if only you lived on the same continent atleast i would bring my little hooligan over to be influenced positively!

Her Bad Mother said...

I would argue that installation pieces are by definition temporary, insofar as their ephemerality provides much of their artistic force (surely, the ice-cream rendering of grandparents is a comment upon mortality, and the fleeting character of earthly joys?)

Jaelithe said...

You know, HBM, that is TOTALLY what I told Isaac to try to console him, but my appeal didn't fly. I guess he meant for his art to be seen by someone besides his mother ;)

Jill said...

I was going to say something witty, but it didn't even come close to the HBM comment.

Instead I'll just say that every night I throw away some of my 4-yr-old's construction paper creations and feel a little twinge of sadness on his behalf. Parenting guilt shows up in all kinds of packages.

Girl con Queso said...

Scandal! I've heard the art community is overtly outraged. They're planning a protest outside your kitchen and the media has been alerted. Just so you know.

Stephanie A. said...

Wow, you know that his stock is rising after this incident. Now I MUST have a work of art from this artist.

That was incredibly funny, btw.

lildb said...

cameras were invented for just such time-based art pieces.

OddMix said...

Entirely too funny!

And just a little. too. close. to. home.