Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Pardon Me While My Head Explodes, Metaphorically

Hey, so, apparently my post about evilly destroying my son's avant-garde temporary art installation was deemed by the talented authoress of Bub and Pie to be worthy of a Perfect Post award for September.* What can I say? I'm verklempt (and I'm not even Jewish). But I didn't get the button up until today, because, DUDES. I am busy this week.

I have started a new contract project. I am trying to arrange a workable schedule for a (*GASP*) regular part-time babysitter so I can actually finish the parts of said project that require me to spend a couple of hours a week in an office. With grown-ups. Wearing office clothes. And makeup. And heels. All at the same time.

I have to train said babysitter tomorrow in the art of attempting to feed a severely underweight child with SI disorder who hates 95% of food.

I have been trying to work out some sort of crazy insurance issue with Isaac's OT provider. My insurance company is currently claiming the office Isaac's OT works out of is out-of-network, when in fact, the office is in-network, and has the current paperwork and network-provider number to prove it. Hmmm . . . Either way they are claiming they will only cover 20 visits per calendar year.

(Like I am going to let them get away with claiming my underweight child with severe eating issues only needs to see an OT to help with his eating for half an hour once every two-and-a-half weeks? When the OT herself wants to see him at least weekly right now, and his PCP agrees?

I don't think so, insurance bitches. Tiger Mama is now officially on the prowl. Tiger Mama eats deep-fried meaningless medical bureaucracies for breakfast, and often enjoys a refreshing frappe of the strained egos of ineffectual call center lackeys afterward to wash away the annoying aftertaste of red tape. I'm sure all my mothering readers out there have met Tiger Mama, so you know what I'm talking about.)

This week I have also been researching and calling several different financial institutions, because I am trying to find a fantastic deal on a first-time mortgage, preferably with low interest and low closing costs, despite having only average income and only decent credit, without paying tons of money to a broker.

(Stop laughing already.)

As part of this whole trying to get a great mortgage deal process, I have also been trying for weeks now to get one of the three major credit bureaus to admit 1.) that it does not know how to spell my maiden name, and 2.) that I, being an erstwhile bearer of such name, do in fact know the correct way to spell it. I spell my name correctly. Not them. Me.

(I told you to stop laughing, didn't I? Are you going to make me whip out my ruler, class?)

And, oh yes. I am still shopping for my very first honest-to-goodness, no shady landlords cuz I own it and that's that HOUSE.

I am looking for a three-bedroom, two-bath with a full basement, a garage or carport, and a fenced yard, with no major structural defects or health hazards, in a halfway decent neighborhood, for, oh, I don't know, less than $150,000?

Oh, okay, you can laugh at that one.

Or cry, if you live on either coast of this country, because that's actually POSSIBLE here in the Midwest! Ha! So there, you blue state suckers! With your five-star restaurants, and your critically acclaimed theatres, and art galleries, and good schools, and congressional representatives who don't enable child molesters, and . . .


*Okay, so, apparently, she actually liked a post I made back in August better, but, hey.


Debbie said...

a) each of your posts are more brilliant than the last. in no particular order. therefore, they all deserve awards. it's totally arbitrary which one is *actually* given one. they're all that good.

b) can I have my teeth back? they just shot themselves at your blog when I read that you could buy that kinda house for that kinda money.

c) you get to work with adults? I. just. jealous. so. much.

d) seriously. can I have my teeth back, now? I have some cookies left in my allotted stack for the evening, and I'd like to finish them.

e) with the teeth already? please?

Jaelithe said...

Well Debbie, if it makes you feel any better, in that price range we are definitely talking about houses that will need a bit of work. Most of the ones I've looked at so far need a lot of cleaning and painting and yardwork and minor improvements done, but I'm willing to do those things. One that we're actually considering had '70s fake wood panelling AND '70s fake stone panelling in the SAME ROOM. As well as an enormous half-dead tree in the back yard right next to some power lines.

Also, the school districts in the area we are searching are only so-so past elementary. But I am thinking we will probably be able to move into a better district or send him to private school before he hits middle school.

Raquita said...

dude, I'm with you in spirit. And I'm only laughing sporadically.

Dep you would be sick to know I paid 139K for my house

(see my happy dance)

missouri does have its perks.

oh and that political rant, I may just link to yours cause you totally said exactly what I was thinking - TOTALLY. (and what about hte guy who said all gay people are preoccupied with sex?!? - if he was an elected offical I would totally be on the kick him out bandwagon.)

So e-mail me and let me know how the house chase is going.

Kristin said...

Hurrah for grown-up time and wearing heels! Enjoy your time at the office. Sometimes going to work can feel like a vacation.

Debbie said...

it *doesn't* make me feel better. you can't get a shack for under $200 'round here, these days.


and Queue? that gah goes double for your price.

geez. Missouri's not looking half-bad right about now.

Lisa said...

Ohhh. Can't wait to see how the contract work goes. Am so envious that you get to work in an office and wear panty hose!