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Monday, May 19, 2008

To the People Who Are Still Concerned That I Have Yet to Enroll My Child in Full-Time Preschool:



I have great news! I've hired a nanny.

She has a humanities degree from one of the top twenty universities in the country. I checked out her college transcript, which she included with her resume. She has taken college-level course work in English, Spanish, biology, physics, calculus, anthropology, philosophy, linguistics, art history, American History, European History, Eastern religions, Western religions, and Greek mythology, which I think positions her to offer my son an excellent, well-rounded classical education.

She speaks three languages! She has already begun giving my child Spanish lessons. Admittedly, her Hindi is a little rusty, but she assures me she can teach my son proper pronunciation when she reads to him in that language.

She has a history of volunteer work and work with non-profit organizations, which I think bodes well for her ability to teach good ethics and an appreciation for the human struggle.

Organic gardening and baking are two of her favorite hobbies. She has already instructed my son on basic plant life cycles, pollination, and the value of beneficial insects, and taught him how to start several different varieties of edible plant from seed in biodegradable peat pots. In addition, she has shown him how to bake whole-grain bread from scratch, and she uses baking as an opportunity to teach fractions and basic nutrition.

When it comes to art, though her drawing skills are not the best, she assures me that her skills as an award-winning amateur film photographer and her coursework in art history will allow her to teach my son basic aesthetic principles. Once he masters the crayon line drawing, and his art skills begin to surpass her ability to teach, she plans to personally transport him to the local art museum once or twice a week for lessons in other media.

And though she has no musical background, she has promised to provide weekly lessons with a professional children's music instructor to counter her inadequacy.

When it comes to physical fitness, as a former distance runner, she understands the value of daily exercise and promises to make a point of engaging my son in frequent physical activity outside. She also plans to attend all of his occupational therapy sessions, and has pledged to learn as much as she can from his occupational therapist about how to help him meet the physical challenges presented by his sensory disorder.

And in order to make sure he receives adequate social contact with other children, she has enrolled him in a weekly storytime club at the library with several other children his age, has set up regular playdates with several neighbors' children, and has arranged weekly group swim lessons this summer.

This nanny I have hired has three years of prior experience working as a paid childcare professional, and four years of additional volunteer experience working with a special-needs child.

Best of all, she has offered her services, 24-7, FOR FREE.

I know. I know! Unbelievable, isn't it?

It must be his red hair.

16 comments:

A Buns Life said...

You crack me up. I love the way you tell people to mind their own business!

rebecca said...

preschool schmeschool. that's what i say.

John J. said...

Service like that is priceless. I say hire her :)

Jaelithe said...

Admit it. You just think the nanny has a nice ass.

Dana said...

Is this a step towards homeschooling? I'm very proud of you for this step. Issac excels already; your preschooling him at home just makes sense.

I'm privy to a WEALTH of information on area classes, exhibits, resources, etc., if you ever want to be on the receiving end of those emails.

Jaelithe said...

Well, I still might very well send him to kindergarten when he is five. I don't know that I have your stamina, Dana.

But I don't see the point of putting him in full-time preschool at four when he is already in so many classes, and seems to be learning just fine at home. Most preschool schedules would conflict with his occupational therapy and his music classes. So why should I deny him the therapy he needs, and the music classes he loves, so he can go sit and be re-taught early math and reading skills he already knows? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Andrea said...

Wow, that's quite a resume! She sounds too good to be true.

I think I know this nanny. She's also a pretty compassionate person who knows the value of a good friend and I bet she finds a way to make sure that concern for the rest of humanity finds its way into your son's education. I'm jealous. Of course, there's probably not enough money in the world to pay her what she's worth.

I'm just guessing. I may not know her. :)

Dr. Zaius said...

Forget about fractions and basic nutrition! Can she bake a chocolate cake?

Benticore said...

"Admit it. You just think the nanny has a nice ass."

Oh NOW I know EXACTLY who that is! Yeah, hire her!! :D

The tenderness, care, wit, and wisdom you bring to your child-rearing is simply jaw-dropping. Good thing you never see the notebook I hide in my back pocket every time we come over!

Benticore
Out

My Life My Life My Life said...

Good lord I feel slow...it took me to the end to realize but by then I was all it 'must be nice'.

Jaelithe said...

Hah! That was sort of the point.

Many regular readers of mine know I used to BE a nanny, though, so I think they were clued in early.

Leeanthro said...

Wow, can I hire you?

We're in preschool three mornings a week. I think that's enough. Full-time preschool seems like too much.

cynematic said...

Jaelithe, I'm jealous your gorgeously red-haired child will learn Hindi. Even rusty Hindi.

Jennifer said...

My 16 year old never went to pre-school because at the time I could not afford it and she did not have any "issues" to go to the early childhood like my 7 year old did. And you know what? She has done just fine and is a sophomore in high school. She is great and smart like your boy. Not all kids need "pre-school" they expect way too much out of these kids at such a young age. You are an excellent mom.

Lisa said...

People were worried about you not enrolling your son in preschool? For reals?

So... where can I find such a teacher for my son? Because this woman sounds PERFECT!

(I should add that the only reason I sent my son to preschool was to get away from him. Let him drive someone else crazy for a few hours each week! heehee. Preschool was only necessary for my sanity -- nothing else.)

Farrell said...

Holy shit! What a resume you have there girl. Can you pre-school my sophie?